Gas Station: A Play in One Act

Scene: Driving back from a few days in San Diego, a stop in Gila Bend. Big gas station is full of dune rats returning from Yuma to Phoenix. Lines are long. Our hero decides to proceed to smaller gas station further down the road. A Circle K.

Our hero inserts his debit card into the pump only to be told to see the cashier. He proceeds inside to wait in line. After a few minutes of watching yokel cashier fumble through her job our hero has her attention.

Me: I was using my debit card for gas and it told me to see you.

Yokel: We can’t take debit cards for gas.

Me (incredulous): Really ?!?

Yokel: Yeah see, we can’t take a certain amount off of the card and then refund……..

Our hero comprehends that pointing out that every other gas station on earth can somehow accept debit cards for gas can lead only to the dark gaping maws of hillbilly hell, then interrupts.

Me: Okay, thanks, bye.

Our hero turns to leave while the yokel continues rambling. Seeing this, the yokel raises her voice to entreat our hero to jump through her quixotic fuel purchase machinations.

Yokel: I can give you cash back on your card and then you can prepay for the….

Our hero turns back slightly, raises his right hand to silence his opponent closes his eyes and utters:

Me: Meh!

With his intentions clear, he charges through the doors in search of a more civilized time, a world in which gas stations can use plastic money in exchange for goods and services, which he finds exactly one mile up the road with the dune rats.


The moral of our story is: Once I have said “good day sir!” I am done with our conversation. Continued gum-flapping will serve only to enrage me. I understand that your store has a stupid policy, it’s your right to have it. It’s cool. Really. But I’m going somewhere else. Somewhere that doesn’t share your stupid policy. I’m not at all interested in hearing about how we can jump through hoops wasting my time to circumvent said stupid policy. Do not waste my time trying to explain why you’ve adopted your stupid policy. Especially when I’ve already made it clear I don’t care.

Thank you for your time and understanding.

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